New Year, Same Friend

Happy New Year!!! Finally the ‘new year, new me’ and ‘who’s staying in my life for the new year’ posts are winding down. Don’t get me wrong, I love the self reflection and realization, but is it just a post for likes? Have they considered  they might be the ones being left behind? And why are they waiting for a new year to make such important changes or improvements in their lives if they can end up being ‘unfriended’? And I am not talking about a regular friend, I’m talking about the special friends we need.

With all the advice we get, to only let the best into our lives, it is just as important to consider the type of friend we are. Believe it or not, our friends can get tired of us too, I know I’m annoying lol. I often take time to reflect on my relationships, not only evaluating the value my close friends add to my life but how do I add value to theirs? Am I what I want in a friend?

Here are some things I look for in a friend and try to be as well:


I am normally involved in some sort of activity like fundraising, a service project of some sort or brainstorming a new idea and some people don’t really get why, but it’s not for them to get honestly, I do it for myself. However, I do need the people close to me to support me and my decisions and to show up. But am I supportive? Do I entertain my friend’s newest project, hairstyle or revelation that her life would be better without social media (true story)? Not only do I entertain them, I am helping look for cute outfits for a bae-cation or front and center helping with their newest project. It is important to encourage our friends just as we need encouragement.


We all have a life and there aren’t enough hours in a day to get everything done, we shouldn’t expect our friends to always be available. But if I have a friend who can not make time to know how I am doing and be apart of special moments in my life, what is our friendship about? There are a few friends I barely see but are there when it counts even if it’s via text updates. No matter how busy I am, it is important for me to be available when I am needed because I expect the same.


Now this is one of the most important and most difficult ides I’m sure we all struggle with. There are times I get in my feelings and live in Kristie Land for a little while then snap back to reality. I sometimes write about it or drag my friends on the trip to talk through it, but if my friend is going to turn their nose up at me and judge, I don’t need that person as a friend. I’m not talking about good advice or a well needed reality check, I’m talking about ‘oh I would never’ or ‘how could you’, that is what I do not need and I do not do to my friends. I ask them ‘well how about trying this’ or ‘are you sure’ and figure it out even if they’re doing all the talking. We are already too hard on ourselves and are filled with self doubt, I try hard not to add to that, it is not helpful or healthy.

Healthy friendships are really hard, but we need them in life. I value my friends, and I wouldn’t want to be cut from their lives because I’m too worried about what they do for me.

“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”

               – Ralph Waldo Emerson